Essays, Health and Fitness, Memoir, Oddities

No matter how weird you are, you are never alone

English: JACKSONVILLE, Fla. (Feb. 2, 2011) Lt....
Luckily, I didn’t need to call an entomologist to solve my problem. | English: JACKSONVILLE, Fla. (Feb. 2, 2011) Lt. Tracy Mejeomov, an entomologist at the Navy Entomology Center of Excellence at Naval Air Station Jacksonville, examines a sample of bed bugs under a microscope to identify the species. (U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 2nd Gary Granger Jr./Released) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Recently, I started finding what appeared to be tiny apple seeds in my bed. At first, I thought someone was eating in my bed. After all, it wasn’t that long ago that I had discovered crumbs all over my sheets from what I can only assume was my teenager discovering – and helping himself to – the  tasty, dark chocolaty, sea salt and caramel pretzel treats that I had stashed away in my desk drawer so I could keep them all to myself. However, when I continued to find these seeds, I knew I couldn’t continue to assume that my teenager was coming home from school every day and eating an afternoon snack in my bed.

Because that would just be too weird.

With no obvious explanation to be found, my fertile imagination immediately set to work trying to figure it out. As I worked myself up, imagining everything from mice eating in my bed (I did recently kill a mouse in my living room with a broom after watching my cats chase it for several minutes and then not know what to do with it once they’d caught it) to some disgusting disease or parasite that causes cats and/or people to excrete something that looks like tiny seeds from their bodily openings, I finally turned to the all-knowing oracle, Google.

At first, Google scared the crap out of me, as it is wont to do. The first link I opened landed me on this conversation led by someone who was having the exact same problem that I was having. After reading her discussion post, which begins with the words, “I think we have bed bugs,” my stomach clenched, and my whole body went clammy.

“Oh, my Google gods, I didn’t even think of bed bugs!” Continue reading “No matter how weird you are, you are never alone”