This is why I can’t find a job.

My feet feel right at home in the forest.

When I was a kid, I wanted to do everything when I grew up.  I wanted to be a writer, of course, but I also wanted to be an airplane pilot. And a race car driver. A Peace Corp volunteer, a detective, a horse jockey, and of course, a nun.

So now I’m (supposedly) an adult, I have finished graduate school, and writing jobs are hard to come by. I keep widening and broadening my search only to realize that I want to do a ton of really cool shit that I am completely unqualified for.

For example: why didn’t I go to school for forestry management? That job sounds awesome. I am so jealous of the people who get to manage the forest for a living. It is so unfair. I want to work full time in the middle of a national forest. I want to drive a bulldozer and plant trees. But I can’t because I didn’t go to school for that.

Today’s top four signs you should turn down that job offer

My job interview was like something you might see on an episode of The Office. | The Office cast in the third season (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have been looking for a full-time job in my area for about four years, with no luck. I seem to be overqualified to do anything but teach, and full-time faculty positions are hard to come by. A few weeks before graduation, I decided to open up my job search to a slightly larger geographic area to see what would happen. Within two weeks I was offered what sounded like the perfect job for me. I began to make arrangements to transition to this job, and things were finally looking up. After several weeks of preparation, I arrived at my destination. Then my dream job quickly deteriorated into a nightmare.

Dear potential employer who just asked for my Facebook password,

Image via CrunchBase

Dear potential employer* who just asked for my Facebook password,

I am going to do you a huge favor and deny your request. You see, it is illegal for you to ask me in an interview how old I am, if I have any kids, what my religion is, or whether I like boys or girls.

Did you know you can easily access all of this information about me simply by reviewing my personal Facebook profile? By complying with your request to log in to my personal Facebook account, I would be opening you up to a huge lawsuit that would likely ensue once I realize that you considered my age/religion/sexual preference when deciding whether or not to hire me. 

My Dream Career: A 5-paragraph essay

Could I survive on writing alone? Or would I get too bored? | Image via Wikipedia

Earlier this morning, I wrote a post on teaching the 5-paragraph essay. In that post, I promised to share the essay I wrote for my Written Communication students this week. So, here it is…

My Dream Career

If you could have any job, what would you do? This is a typical first date question, job interview question, or composition class free writing topic, one whose answer may provide a great deal of insight into the life of the respondent. If you were to ask this question of me, my answer would surely provide insight into my psyche simply because the way I would answer is far different than the average American.

9:30 a.m. is a magical time of day for me

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No matter how hard I try, I can’t possibly be productive before 9:30 a.m.

It never fails, every morning I find myself looking at the clock at 9:30 a.m. and realizing that I am, once again, just now getting down to business.

I don’t think it’s just because I get to work from home most days and can take my time showering, getting a cup of coffee, throwing a load of laundry in the wash, and just generally screwing around until I feel like accomplishing something. When I had a full-time day job where I had to actually be someplace at a certain time, I was still incapable of accomplishing anything before 9:30 a.m.